Issue #1 - Desires Within

Andrew's eyes widened as he opened his mouth, "I... The magazine..." Jake knew that he could take them somewhere else... It seemed however that his subconscious had as much control as his conscious mind, because the very fabric of the black place around them shook, the darkness changing into something much more enjoyable. In a blur of a moment they were on a deserted beach, lying on the sandy ground, all alone. Their only companions were the sand and the naerby sea waves. "Wha-what did you do? How-how... It... it doesn't make sense! Nothing makes sense! We can't be at the beach! We can't have been in the dark... it's... wrong... I..."

Jake could tell from the look in Andrew's eyes that he was right about the magazine. It had been Andrew's. So had everything else. The fantasy too.. Which only meant that Andrew must be..

But everything changed. They weren't in darkness anymore, they were on a beach. Jake wasn't sure where, but he'd been to plenty. It was deserted and free of people or trash.

He looked down at Andrew, and found the situation more awkward. Slowly, he stood up, trying to straighten his pants and get himself back together. This was all too much. Too weird.

"I.. I don't know what's going on. But I know what I saw. It was your magazine. And I know what you were looking at in it."

"You-you don't know a thing!" Andrew shot back, "What do you want me to say?! You sound as if you know everything, but you know nothing! You-you've ruined my life!" His anger was beginning to rise once again, as his icy blue eyes looked right into Jake's. "I hate you, because... because... you've changed me! It's... I'm not... what I should be!" His voice creaked as he once again started to feel sad and depressed. Alone. And somehow Jacob felt that too, not coming from himself, but feeling it nonetheless.

Jake frowned as Andrew started getting angry again. He could still feel the effects of their recent fight and he didn't want to get into another one.

But then Andrew's tone changed and he sounded lost and a bit lonely, and Jake frowned.

Jake actually felt a little sorry for him.

"I didn't change you dude," he said, "Why would you think that? I mean.. that's just how you are."

"Yeah, sure, easy for you to say! You don't have to worry about being such an... abomination! It's... it's... why am I even talking to you about it?! You can't possibly understand what it's like. I tried being... normal... but even with a girl, it was hard not to imagine... argh!" He grunted, feeling desperate. He lowered his head and sighed loudly. "It's...", he didn't finish the sentence.

Jake frowned as he listened to Andrew, looking down at him and watching. It was hard not to feel sorry for him. The guy was a total jerk, but he obviously had some major issues. Who would have thought that Andrew was gay?

He stared at Andrew for a few moments, "So that's why you're such an ass? Because you like guys? Who the hell cares?"

But Jake remembered the other things he'd seen. Was that Jake's father? Maybe there was a lot more to it than it seemed.

"I-I don't! It's not... like that... I mean... no, who the hell cares?! Everybody does! All the people, all the guys, my friends would hate me, I'd loose my whole life! My father... he'd kill me! It's unnatural! And how could I become a professional sportsman?! That's what! Is this so hard to understand?! You don't have to worry about it, so yeah, laugh as you will, but you ain't know a thing about what you're saying." Andrew seemed to really need someone whom he could share all his thoughts with. He finally got someone, though not exactly the person he thought he would ever confess to. And certainly not in this way, first beaten up by Jake, then somehow pulled into some kind of psychic realm... "This... this can't be true... I can't have just told you that..." He shook his head.

Andrew obviously had some major issues admitting everything. Not that Jake was entirely open about his preferences, but he didn't try to hide it like Andrew did. Jake didn't date girls and he didn't lie about it. But no one knew, no one really ever asked him. He still wasn't sure how his parents would react, but they seemed pretty open. But he feared his older brother might be disappointed.

But here Andrew was, admitting it to Jake sort of.

Jake shook his head, "It isn't unnatural. There's nothing unnatural about it. I mean, whatever two people want to do together, that's their own business. Right?"

"Yeah, sure, go tell everyone this. Oh, and by the way, visit my father and tell him this too, because I certainly know what he's going to say... Gays are a disease to be purged. Nothing more..." He shuddered, feeling so... alone. He sat up on the sand and kind of 'hugged himself'. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. Jake couldn't help but feel his sadness as if it was his own.

Jake listened to Andrew and shook his dead, listening to him talk about being gay. That explained a lot. The guy was obviously from a home where nothing like that would be accepted, something that Jake himself feared although not nearly so much as Andrew.

"No they aren't," Jake said, "There's.. there's nothing wrong with it." Jake had convinced himself of that long ago.

Jake crouched down next to Andrew, "There's nothing wrong with it, trust me. Your dad is wrong."

"Sure. It's not like you're more of an authority figure to me than my own father." Andy scowled, then turned to face Jake's face. Seeing his blue eyes, he quickly went back to lowering his head, "But... if you saw what I was thinking about... who I was thinking of... then why aren't you put off? Even if you say there's nothing wrong with it... it's... no, no, I'm dreamind..."

Jake nodded a little as Andrew confirmed that the images were indeed his. "Yeah, I saw it. I.. guess I'm surprised. Really surprised. But I guess.."

He shrugged a little, "I guess, I donno, I'm kind of.. I mean.. me? There's hotter guys at school. Why would you think about me?" It made Jake blush a little, to actually be talking about it.

Jake blushed... but it was Andrew who really was turning scarlet, talking about it! "Uhm... there aren't, uh, you're the hottest." He finally stuttered it, still confused.

Jake looked away for a moment, slightly stunned, then looked back to Andrew. "You think I am?" he asked, "I mean.. after.. seeing.. I mean, I guess I knew you thought I was.. or you wouldn't have thought like that, on the bed.. but.. really? me?"

Jake was surprised. He got a lot of attention. He knew he was considered good looking by many, but it was a little different hearing it right from this jock's mouth.

"I-uh... forget I said anything. It's-I shouldn't have..." Andrew looked very uncomfortable now with what he had just said. He didn't even dare to look up at Jake's face, fearing what his reaction might be.

Jake frowned, not liking how Andrew looked, like he was afraid Jake would hit him or something. Or maybe afraid his father would. Really, he just looked afraid of everything.

Jake reached out and put a hand on Andrew's shoulder, "Dude, it's fine. Really. I'm just surprised, that's all, I mean, I never guessed you'd be into guys what with the comments you always make and stuff.."

"I'm kinda sorry for what I told, I-I didn't really mean it, you know... and please," Andrew looked into Jake's blue eyes, "don't-don't touch... it doesn't help, you-you know, being so close, touching and stuff... makes me wanna, uh, nevermind."

Jake knew Andrew was lying, he did mean it. He just knew it, the same way he'd just known other stuff too. He could feel it. But why? How?

But Andrew asked him to stop touching, and Jake could understand that. He gave Andrew's shoulder a gentle squeeze, and let his hand trail down his bicep slightly as he pulled his hand away, "I said its alright. I mean, I guess I'm flattered."

Andrew's muscles were tense, he was nervous, this situation was totally out of his control... and he hated things over which he didn't have any influence. "Flattered?"

Jake gave Andrew a reassuring smile and nodded, "Yeah, flattered. I mean.. half the school wants you. And here you are having fantasies about me. I should be flattered."

Jake still wasn't sure what to really make of it all, though. Andrew had caused him so much grief, and now this. But he wanted to help the guy, still. Jake felt bad for him.

"Dunno about that half of the school. Many girls just want me to buy them expensive gifts and all... Y'know, I... damn it, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my behavior... I-I... was stupid... God, what a fool I am..."

Jake shrugs, "They probably do like your money. But you know it is more than that. They all think you're handsome, you're a star. They all want to date you. Yet here you are, thinking about me." Jake laughed a little, "No one would believe it."

"Fortunately no one would believe it. It'd be like a banishment or something, you know..." Andrew sighed, "Shame on them."

Jake shrugs, "Not all of them would react like that."

"There's a lot that would be fine with it.. maybe not many on the team, but in the school.. people are more open than they used to be," Jake said, "I've thought about it a lot, how people would react if they knew."

Jake thought about it every day. It'd be so much easier if they did. But it might not go so well if people ended up hating him.

"Why would you think about it anyway?" Andrew shot Jake a curious glance.